The Trouble With Trip
by Lady Conqueror
Summary: After Vox Sola Malcolm and Archer try to find out what's wrong with Trip (sort of) *Chapter 5 added* COMPLETE
1. Malcolm & Trip have an Argument

Disclaimer : I don't own Enterprise or any of it's characters. Not making any profit from my insane ramblings. 

Author's Notes : Set after "Vox Sola". Spoilers up to and including this episode, especially "Shuttlepod One". 

Rating : PG 

"The Trouble With Trip" 

Lt. Malcolm Reed entered the mess hall after the end of his duty shift. It had been a mostly uneventful day, although the targeting scanners had gone out of alignment yet again towards the end of the shift. It was the fifth time in two days, and Malcolm didn't like it. _What is wrong with the damn things_, he wondered to himself. It had taken him an hour to realign the things but he had no doubt they'd be out again by the end of the day. _I'll have to ask Commander Tucker to look over them when he's got a moment._

Grabbing his food selection, he turned to survey the mess hall. _ Speak of the Devil_, he thought to himself, as he spotted Commander Tucker sitting at a table towards the back with Ensign Mayweather. Working his way through the crowd towards them he asked, 

"Mind if I join you?" 

"Not at all, Sir," Travis beamed back enthusiastically. A noncommittal grunt was the only sound forthcoming from the Commander. 

Malcolm sat down, and threw an inquisitive glance at Trip. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. Caught up thinking about the problem with the targeting scanners he had forgotten that for the last few days, Trip had seemed rather churlish around him. He couldn't figure out what he'd done to upset the Commander though. 

"Bad day?" he ventured. 

"Nope." 

Malcolm rolled his eyes in annoyance. One word answers seemed to be all he could get out of the Chief Engineer these days. He cast a quick glance over at Travis, who was staring at Trip with a puzzled look on his face, obviously confused by the new air of tension at the table. When the young ensign turned to face him, Malcolm just shrugged. 

"So, did you get those targeting scanners fixed Lieutenant?" Travis asked, hesitantly. He had still been on the bridge when Malcolm had first gone down to the armoury to fix them, but by the time he'd got back, the Ensign's shift had been over. 

"For now." Malcolm replied dryly. "Actually I was wondering if you might take a look at them for me, Commander?" 

"You wouldn't rather solve the problem all by yourself," Trip muttered back. 

"What?" It was the most words the Commander had said to him in days, but it wasn't exactly what he'd expected to hear. 

"You heard me. Look, I've got to get back to Engineering." Trip rose from the table. 

"But you only just got here," Travis interjected. 

"Yeah well, turns out I'm not hungry after all." 

With that last statement he picked up his plate and moved away from the table. Travis turned wide-eyed from Trip's retreating back to look at Malcolm. 

"What was all that about?" 

"I wish I knew" Malcolm replied honestly. Whatever it was, it was clear that he was the source of the problem. 

"Well, when did it start?" Travis didn't seem willing to let the subject drop at that though. Malcolm thought back to the first time Trip had seemed short with him. 

"While he was in Sickbay, recovering from that alien creature attaching itself to them." 

The creature in question had found itself aboard Enterprise and had taken several crewmembers, including Commander Tucker and the Captain and joined with them. Only Hoshi's successful attempts to communicate with the creature had saved the crewmembers from becoming one with it. 

"Maybe that's it then. He's still recovering. Might make anyone short-tempered." 

"Only with me? He doesn't seem to have the same problem with anyone else. Nice try, but I don't think so." 

"Maybe you should go and talk to him about it, before it gets worse." Travis shrugged as if to say _That's what I would do._

"Maybe I will." Malcolm made up his mind. "If you'll excuse me Travis." 

At Travis's nod of acceptance, Malcolm stood up, took his own plate to the recycler and followed Commander Tucker's footsteps out the door. 

**************************** 

Engineering was it's normal bustle of activity, as Malcolm stepped through the door. The massive warp core in the middle gave the area a cramped feeling, and the people buzzing around it on the catwalks reminded Malcolm of ants crawling over a new find. He searched out Trip in the crowd, and eventually spotted him on the walkway directly in front of the core, punching in instructions to the computer. Moving to stand beside him, he waited patiently for Trip to acknowledge he was there. After a few minutes of no response however, Malcolm got sick of waiting and asked bluntly, 

"Are you actually going to ignore me until I get sick of it and go away?" 

"That was the plan," came the terse reply. 

"Well it's not going to work." 

"Fine. What the hell do you want?" Trip's reply was barely restrained fury. 

"I want you to tell me what's going on." Malcolm couldn't help but put the same ferocity into his own voice. 

"Why do you care?" 

"Because I thought we were friends." 

"So did I." There was no 'barely restrained' anything in that reply as Trip shouted it out, drawing the attention of the rest of engineering. Malcolm could barely care that anyone was witnessing the argument, he was too shocked at the rest of Trip's reply, "But no. Apparently not, 'cause you don't even respect me as an engineer. How can you be friends with someone you don't respect." 

"When did I say I didn't respect you as an engineer," Malcolm interrupted. 

"You didn't have to say it. How long were you working on that force field without even telling me. How many times did you get stumped on a problem and never tried to ask for my help." 

Malcolm's mind was reeling. Trip was upset about his forcefield invention. He blurted out the first excuse that came to him: 

"Your the Chief Engineer, you were busy." 

"That's Bull and you know it," Trip retorted, "I'm not on duty 24hrs, and we were together on off-duty time plenty of times when you could have asked." 

"But.." 

"No. No 'buts'. If you don't like me, you just had to say so you know." 

"I do like you." 

"You got a funny way of showing it." 

"And both of you have a funny way of choosing the appropriate places to argue." A new voice came sternly from the deck below them. Both men turned mortified gazes onto Captain Jonathan Archer. Someone on the engineering team must have called him down. Where he had barely noticed the attention before, Malcolm now felt like sinking into the floor. 

"Both of you. Follow me." Archer ordered before striding out of Engineering. Both Malcolm and Trip had to hurry down the ladder and practically run to catch up to the obviously furious Captain. Trip made as if to say something, but before he could utter a word, Archer held up his finger, 

"Not one word Trip." 

Trip shut his mouth immediately. The journey through the corridors and the ride through the turbolift was carried out in stony silence. When the turbolift finally spit them out onto the bridge, Sub-Commander T'Pol merely raised her eyebrows at the scene. 

"I don't want to be disturbed," Archer addressed her on his way through. 

"Understood." 

When they were finally in the Captain's ready room, Archer spun around to face them. 

"Mind telling me what made two of my senior officers start going at each other like cats and dogs?" he asked angrily. 

Trip stayed silent, seemingly studying his shoes intently. Malcolm gulped, 

"Just a slight misunderstanding, Sir." 

"You call that a slight misunderstanding?" Archer waved the question away before Malcolm had time to respond. "You know what, don't answer that. I really don't care. The fact is it's unacceptable behaviour on both your parts. I expected better from the both of you." 

"Sorry Sir." Malcolm thought he heard a similar apology from Trip, but it was hard to tell. The Engineer seemed to be trying to make himself as small and unnoticeable as possible. _Not a bad idea at all_, Malcolm's brain tried to tell him. 

"Your damn right your sorry. Your both working your shifts tomorrow in waste extraction. And Trip, take the rest of this shift off." 

"But Cap'n" Trip finally exploded. 

"No," Archer cut him off, "Your both lucky I don't make your punishment worse. I'm only making it light because you obviously have some problem you need to sort out. In future, hash it out in private. Understood." 

"Yes Sir." Malcolm and Trip responded in unison. 

"Dismissed." 

Malcolm made his way back onto the bridge, Trip at his side. He tried not to look at any of the bridge crew, the last thing he needed now was to know for sure that they were staring at him in amusement, like he assumed they were. _ Probably be the laughing stock of the whole ship tomorrow_. Once they'd gotten in the turbolift and punched in there requested deck number, Malcolm turned to Trip. 

"So, I suppose we should talk about this, then," he suggested. 

"Not now." 

"Well then when?" Malcolm could feel his anger growing and he clamped down on it tightly. 

Trip remained silent until the turbolift came to a halt. Then he said, 

"My quarters, 2100 hours," before stepping off and letting the door close behind him. 

Malcolm just stared at the solid doors as the lift once again started moving, taking him to his destination. 


	2. Trip's Quarters

Malcolm paused briefly outside the door to Trip's quarters. He wasn't sure why he was quite so nervous, but Trip's "my quarter's, 2100 hours" instructions had sounded slightly ominous to his ears. After their earlier argument was the friendship really over before it had even had a chance to really begin? Malcolm hoped not. He didn't really have all that many friends to start with, let alone any who were becoming as close as he thought he and Trip were. 

"Well standing about dithering outside his quarters isn't going to get you any answers," he berated himself quietly. 

Sucking in a deep breath he pressed the door chime. A few seconds of silence followed, just enough to make Malcolm wonder if Trip was even home, when a muffled 'Thump' followed by a "Come in" reached his ears. 

Malcolm pressed the door release and stepped through into a sea of chaos. Trip's quarters were a mess. Personal items and clothes were strewn about the room. Trip was standing by his desk, a datapadd in his hand and an apologetic look on his face. 

"Sorry about the mess. I was looking for something." 

"Well I hope you found it," Malcolm replied, surveying the damage once more. 

A deep sigh brought Malcolm's attention back to Trip. 

"Yeah, I did." Trip waved the datapadd in his hand to indicate this was the something in question. 

"Oh. Good." _Stunning conversationalist you've become Malcolm_, the little voice in his head added sarcastically. 

"Wanna sit down?" Trip asked, pushing a pile of clothes off his chair. 

"Sure." 

Malcolm carefully made his way over to the chair, trying not to step on any of Trip's possessions. As he sat down, Trip pushed the datapadd into his hands. Malcolm looked up at Trip inquisitively. 

"Read it," Trip encouraged before making his way to his bed to start clearing away more of the mess. 

Malcolm looked down at the datapadd and activated it. The page filled with words. 

Dear Jon, 

If your reading this letter, it means I'm gone. You know 

I really hate writing these things, but there's a few things 

I need to say that I might not have had the chance to 

while I was alive. 

Malcolm stopped reading the moment he realised what the letter was. He glanced over in Trip's direction, but he was still cleaning the bed. Malcolm studied the other man closer for a few minutes. Trip clearly wasn't paying full attention to what he was doing. Picking up items one by one, studying them, and then dropping them unceremoniously onto the floor. His posture was stiff, as if tensed ready for a blow. 

"Um. I'm not sure I should be reading this, " Malcolm eventually volunteered. 

"I didn't spend the last two hours looking for it, just so you could not read it," Trip replied angrily, finally seeming to tire of his half-hearted cleaning attempts and just sweeping the rest of the stuff onto the floor. Sitting down hard on the now clean bed, he ran his fingers through his hair and looked down towards his lap. 

"But the letters not for me...and your not...," Malcolm trailed off uselessly. 

"I know that," Trip snapped, "I just thought if you read it you might understand..," Trip gave a defeated sigh, "Never mind. I guess I was wrong. Again." 

"Are you trying to say that this," Malcolm indicated the padd, "had something to do with our argument earlier?" Malcolm was now thoroughly confused. 

Instead of answering the question however, Trip chuckled slightly and said, 

"Bet you didn't think I could write one of those after what happened on the shuttlepod?" 

To Malcolm's ears, Trips laughter sounded kind of morbid, but he refrained from commenting on Trip's evasion of the original question and decided to see where this conversation would lead. Thinking back to the event he was pretty sure Trip was referring to and which his own mind rather quaintly identified as "The Shuttlepod Incident", Malcolm had to concede that Trip was correct in his assessment. Trip had been in rampant denial through most of the Incident, when they assumed Enterprise had been destroyed, and had berated Malcolm for recording his own letters, claiming Malcolm was a pessimist. If it hadn't been so deadly serious he would have found it funny that once they had discovered Enterprise wasn't destroyed after all, their positions had reversed. 

"No I suppose I didn't," he replied. 

"A few years back the Cap'n saved my life. I wrote it after that. Been keeping it around ever since just in case. I figured he would have found it if we hadn't made it back. Course I didn't know it had gotten quite so lost." he grinned ruefully. 

Malcolm just nodded thoughtfully. He really didn't know what to say to help the conversation along. Luckily he didn't have to wait too long for Trip to get to the point. 

"He knows, you know?" 

"Knows what?" Malcolm asked. 

"About what happened in the shuttlepod. He knows _everything_." The emphasis on the word 'everything' worried Malcolm. While they'd been recovering in Sickbay after the incident, they had agreed to leave out of their official report the part about Trip attempting to climb into the airlock and the subsequent argument. Malcolm wasn't sure why, but Trip had been insistent that they leave that part out. He'd agreed himself rather quickly on the grounds that he wasn't sure how the Captain would respond to the news that he had pulled a phaser on a senior officer, no matter what the circumstances. 

"How?" 

"That creature...The one who tried to make us part of it." Trip clarified, though there was no need, Malcolm knew what he meant. "It linked us up somehow. We could hear each others thoughts. I panicked. I didn't mean to start thinking about it, but I couldn't stop." Trip was getting more and more agitated as he related the events. "You gotta believe me Malcolm, I didn't mean it." 

"I believe you, Trip." Malcolm tried to make his words sound reassuring, but he wasn't sure how successful he was. Trip still looked upset. _Damn it, I'm not very good at this sort of thing, _he thought to himself. "Don't worry about it," he tried adding. 

Instead of calming Trip however, this caused an angry explosion from the Engineer. He got up from the bed and started pacing around the room, 

"Don't worry! How am I supposed to not worry. Don't you get it, the Cap'n knows everything. How am I supposed to face him now." 

"Has he said anything? Perhaps it's not as bad as your imagining." Malcolm couldn't recall the Captain acting any differently around himself, but Trip had known Captain Archer a lot longer and could probably read his moods and emotions better. 

Trip shook his head. 

"I've kinda been avoiding him since Dr Phlox released us from Sickbay" 

__

_At least his anger seems to have dissipated_, Malcolm's thoughts whirled through his head, _but now he sounds...depressed is the most apt description._ His thoughts were interrupted by Trip's next words, 

"Anyway, I guess I was worried about that, and mad at myself, so I blew my gripe about your force field out of proportion so I could take my frustrations out on you. Sorry." He sounded sincerely contrite about his apology, so Malcolm forgave him immediately. 

"That's okay, I understand. You were partly right anyway, I should have come to you to ask for help when I got stuck. It's just that you work so hard down in Engineering everyday, I thought the last thing you'd want to do in your off-duty hours would be to do more work. Besides," it was time for a little confession of his own, "I've never been really good at asking for things." 

Trip just nodded, "Friends again?" he asked sticking out his hand. Malcolm stood up, took the proffered hand and agreed, 

"Friends again." Both men broke out in a grin as they shook hands. 

"Well I suppose I should give this back now," Malcolm stated, attempting to hand the padd back, but Trip begged off, 

"Nah. You keep it." Malcolm was puzzled, but Trip soon clarified, "We don't know what's going to happen out here. But if something happens to me, I trust you to do everything possible to make sure that the Cap'n makes it. And that he gets that letter." 

"I will." Malcolm made the promise solemnly. It was one he intended to keep, but with a little silent amendment, to add that he would do everything in his power to keep Trip safe too. 

"I know you will," Trip said. 

Malcolm headed towards the door to leave, but just before he reached it, he turned and said, 

"You know...", only to be interrupted by Trip, 

"I know, I know, I need to talk to the Cap'n." 

Malcolm nodded once then pressed the button and stepped out of Trip's quarters. 

******************************* 

Trip breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed behind Malcolm. At least he hadn't ruined that friendship. _Pity you can't say the same thing about your friendship with the Cap'n._

__

_Shut up_, he angrily told the voice in his head. 

Malcolm was right, he needed to talk to the Captain. Unfortunately it was easier said than done. He kept picturing the look of total disappointment on Jon's face that surely must accompany any talk on the matter. If only he wasn't such a damn coward. _Better a coward than a..._ Trip squelched on that thought before it even began. He was not going there now. He was going to suck it up and call the Captain. He took a determined step towards the comm.. panel. Pressing the open channel button and calling out, 

"Tucker to Archer," before he had a chance to talk himself out of it. 

"Archer here. Go ahead Trip." Archer's voice sounded back through the comm. system, just as Trip changed his mind about the call. _Damn_. 

"Trip?" Archer's voice sounded slightly worried now, and Trip realised he hadn't answered back. 

"Sorry Cap'n, I'm here. You busy?" Trip hoped that Archer would be too busy to talk. 

"I'm hip deep in Astrometrics reports, but I could use a break. What's up?" 

"Uh." Trip tried to think of something else to talk about besides what he had originally called for. Unfortunately nothing was coming to mind. He settled for half the truth. "Just wanted to let you know that me and Malcolm sorted everything out." 

"Glad to hear it. Just try and solve your differences in private before starting a yelling match in public next time." 

"I'll try." 

"You know, I'm suprised you let it get that far in the first place. That's not like you Trip." And there it was. Trip could hear the disappointment in Archer's voice loud and clear. Trip felt the urgent need to get off the line now, before Archer could bring up other things he was disappointed in him for. 

"It won't happen again, I promise. Well, I'd better let you get back to work. Just wanted to let you know everything was sorted. Tucker out." Tucker closed the comm. system before Archer even had a chance to reply. Then for good measure he slammed his fist into the wall beside the panel, to try and release some tension. _Idiot_, he berated himself. He looked at his now throbbing hand. At least the pain would keep his thoughts off other things. 


	3. A Shift In Waste Extraction

Author's Notes : Thanks for the reviews. 

Trip showed up to his duty shift in waste extraction a full hour and a half early. From the surprised look on the currently on-duty crewman, Trip surmised that the details of he and Malcolm's fight and subsequent punishment hadn't yet filtered down to the lower decks crew members. Despite that, the crewman seemed only to willing to let his Chief Engineer take over his post early. Waste extraction wasn't quite as bad as the name implied, the only time there was any need to get dirty was when something went seriously wrong, but it was a job not many people relished. The main problem was that the work was mind-numbingly boring. It also wasn't enough work for two men. Trip was sure the Captain had assigned them both this shift as punishment with the intent that they'd both become so bored the only recourse would be to talk out their problems. Since no one came down to waste extraction unless absolutely necessary, privacy would also be guaranteed. 

Of course, he and Malcolm had already sorted out their differences, the night before. Unfortunately Trip had blown his chance to do the same with the Captain. His right hand, with which he had punched the wall in a fit of frustration, had settled into a dull ache as the night had gone on, but it hadn't proven quite the distraction to his own demons as he thought it would have. He had finally given up on sleep after tossing and turning for half the night, and spent most of the wee hours of the morning cleaning up the mess in his room. Working on some engineering reports had distracted him for the rest of the night, but eventually he had to admit that the reports where finished. That left only the decision to come on shift early. 

He was running his third useless diagnostic when Lt. Malcolm Reed finally showed up, precisely on time. 

"Good Morning." 

"Mornin'," Trip replied, turning his head back to his work. 

"What needs doing?" 

"Nothin'." 

"Nothing at all?" 

"Nope." 

"Oh." 

The computer beeped to let Trip know that the diagnostic had finished. He looked at the readouts. All systems functioning within required parameters. _Just great, _Trip thought. Malcolm meanwhile had sidled up next to him and was reading the readout over his shoulder. His face fell as he saw the good news. 

"I knew I should have brought a book." He muttered to himself. 

"Good to know you consider me such boring company," Trip couldn't help but reply. 

Trip almost laughed as Malcolm's eyes opened wide in innocence. _Maybe this won't be such a bad shift after all. _Before Malcolm could protest, Trip decided to let him off the hook. 

"Relax Lieutenant. I was kidding." 

Malcolm gave him a sheepish grin. 

"Sorry, I've been having quite the morning. My humour sensors seem to be all tapped out." 

"What happened?" Maybe listening to Malcolm's problems would distract him from his own. 

"Well, I was up early so I went to the Armoury to see how everything went last night only to find out the bloody targeting scanners went off-line again - _twice_. I swear I have no idea what's wrong with the damn things." Malcolm blew out a frustrated breath. "And as if that wasn't bad enough, when I went to the Mess hall for breakfast, everyone was staring at me, and then I got the third degree from Hoshi and Travis. You know, someone should measure the speed of gossip. It would probably beat Warp Five any day." 

Trip shrugged, 

"Probably, but when I relieved Crewman McKensie, he didn't seem to have heard yet." 

"Well that's an encouraging sign. Not even gossip makes it down to Waste extraction." 

"I thought your sense of humour was all used up Lieutenant." 

"It seems to be returning." 

Trip frowned thoughtfully, 

"When did the targeting scanners first go off-line?" 

"About two days ago." 

"Maybe it's the annular confinement stream." Trip mused. Nothing like an engineering problem to take his mind off things. 

"That was the third thing I tried." 

"Maybe I could take a look at it after shift," Trip offered. "I know you asked before but I guess I wasn't bein' too receptive then." 

"Thanks, but this morning I thought I might try adjusting the particle convertor in case it was..." 

"Causin' a feedback loop in the sensors." Trip jumped in to finish the sentence. 

"Exactly. Anyway I spent the morning adjusting it so if it works you won't need to come down." 

"You adjusted it this morning?" Trip was surprised, "You must have got to the armoury pretty early." 

Malcolm nodded. 

"Didn't get much sleep last night, I'm afraid." 

"Join the club." _Shut up Trip_, the little voice in his head warned just a little to late. Out of the corner of his eye, Trip saw Malcolm throw a cautious glance in his direction. 

"So you didn't talk to the Captain then?" He asked carefully. 

"No." Trip hated to sound so blunt but he really didn't want to talk about this. He'd been avoiding the subject in his head all morning for a reason. It seemed Malcolm had other ideas though. 

"Um. You know, I may not have made it clear yesterday, but if you want to talk about what happened with me, you can. I may not be Captain Archer, but maybe you'd find it easier to talk to him if you got some of your feelings sorted out first." 

"Did you practice that speech all night?" Trip tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice but it still came through. _It's not Malcolms fault you're screwed up, he's just trying to be your friend,_ his brain tried to reason. 

"Is it that obvious? I admit I'm not the best at this sort of thing, but I can try." 

"Well I can't. I'm sorry Malcolm, but I really can't talk about this with you," Trip pleaded. 

"Why not?" 

"I don't know. Lots of reasons." 

"Like?" Malcolm was being overly persistent. It was starting to annoy Trip immensely. He strained to keep his voice tempered. 

"You wouldn't understand." 

"How do you know?" _Because you stopped me, _Trip's mind wanted to yell, but he didn't. Instead he ventured his secondary reasons for not talking, 

"You seemed to get over the whole thing so well, I didn't - I don't, want to drag you back down into it." 

"I got over it easily!" Malcolm seemed a little taken aback by this statement. "I'd hardly say that. Did you know the first time we had to use a shuttlepod afterwards, I nearly suggested we should use the transporter instead." Malcolm shuddered at the thought. 

"The transporter?" 

"Anything seemed preferable to the shuttlepod at the time, even having my molecules scrambled." 

"I didn't know that. It's just...when we were in Sickbay you seemed to be taking things so well. I had nightmares every night and you slept like a baby." 

"Nightmares?" 

"For a while. Dr Phlox said it was perfectly natural. That it was just my brain processing everything that happened. See I did talk to someone. Didn't help much." Of course he hadn't told the Doctor exactly what the dreams had been about, but he didn't see the need to admit that little fact to Malcolm. "And you know for a while there, I thought I had gotten over it. At least until that stupid creature linked me up to everyone. And now Jon knows everything and it's all gone to hell in a hand basket." Trip felt like hitting the wall again. Or maybe Malcolm. After all he'd brought the subject up. No. He couldn't, _wouldn't,_ hit Malcolm. It wasn't fair to blame him for trying to help. _It's your own stupid fault Trip. As usual._ A slightly sick feeling began to well up in the pit of Trip's stomach. 

"Perhaps the Captain.." Trip quickly held up his hand to stop Malcolm, before he could go any further. 

"Malcolm, I'm sorry but could we not talk about this anymore. I'm not feeling so good." 

"All right. I must admit you are starting to look a little pale. Perhaps you should go to Sickbay." Malcolm's tone was now tinged with concern. 

Trip shook his head. 

"I'll be okay, just change the subject. I can't handle this right now." 

"Okay." Malcolm agreed. The next few hours passed in relative silence. 

************************** 

When the replacement crewman finally came to relieve them for their lunch break, Malcolm was getting decidedly worried about Trip. The Engineer had barely moved a muscle since the conversation had died, leaving Malcolm to do what little work was required. Not that he minded. In fact he was starting to think that it might be a good idea to reiterate his suggestion to visit Sickbay. 

As he gave his position at the front console up to his replacement, he waved his hand in front of Trip's face. 

"Coming to the Mess Hall?" He asked. 

"Huh." Trip seemed startled that someone had talked to him. 

"The Mess Hall. Lunch." Malcolm repeated. 

"Oh. Um. Nah. I'm not really hungry." 

Malcolm suddenly recalled a snippet of their earlier conversation. He'd brought up his own rather unpleasant experience that morning at breakfast, but Trip hadn't mentioned a similar experience, and even noted that the gossip hadn't worked it's way down here yet. Combined with the fact that he'd run out on dinner with him and Travis the night before, Trip may not have eaten for at least the last two meals, perhaps more. 

"When was the last time you ate?" Trip confirmed Malcolm's suspicions when he just shrugged and replied, 

"Dunno." 

"Well then I think you need to eat something." 

"I said I wasn't hungry. I'm not feeling well remember." 

"Well then we're going to Sickbay." 

"No we're not." 

"Yes we are. That's an order." 

"You can't order me around, I outrank you." 

"Well I could always call the Captain. He could order you to Sickbay." It was a low blow and Malcolm knew it, but Trip needed to see the Doctor and if this was the only way. 

"Fine." Trip didn't sound overly pleased, but at least he was finally agreeing. Malcolm released the breath he didn't realise he'd been holding, but almost caught it again as Trip swayed on his feet. Malcolm held out a steadying hand on Trip's arm, but the engineer shrugged it off. 

"You don't have to hold me, I can walk on my own." 

Malcolm was starting to doubt that, but he dropped his arm. He stayed as close to the Commander as possible as they slowly made their way out of Waste extraction. Malcolm nodded quietly to the replacement crewman. No doubt waste extraction was going to be the first with the latest bit of gossip to travel the ship. _There's a first time for everything I suppose._

********************* 

By the time they walked into Sickbay, Malcolm had had to start helping Trip walk after all. The Commander seemed to be muttering deprecations in his general direction. Malcolm was quite thankful it was mostly just a murmur to his ears. The little he could make out was quite the enlightening experience. And here he thought only old Navy seamen could swear quite so much. 

Doctor Phlox was over by one of the side benches, no doubt feeding one of his assortment of bizarre creatures. Malcolm was glad that so far, despite receiving a few injuries, he'd been spared the healing nature of some of these creatures in his own treatments. They looked positively ghastly. 

"I'll be with you in a moment gentlemen." Doctor Phlox called out. Malcolm's security mind noticed that the Doctor hadn't turned around or looked in their general direction, but had noted that the new patients were two males. _Interesting._

He helped Trip over to one of the bio-beds, where the Engineer sat down gratefully. Looking at Trip, Malcolm thought they'd made it just in time. The engineers skin was pale and clammy, and his blonde hair was plastered to his skull by sweat. He also seemed to be having difficulty breathing. 

"Doctor, I think you'd better hurry." Malcolm called out. 

Doctor Phlox was at the bio-bed in an instant, and examining Trip. Taking his pulse the old fashioned way, he asked Malcolm to pass his Medical Tricorder over from the other side of the room. As Malcolm went to fetch it, Phlox started listing off Trip's symptoms. 

"Accelerated heart rate; Shortness of breath; Dilated pupils; Clammy skin. Tell me Lieutenant what has Mr Tucker been doing?" 

"Nothing," Trip replied before Malcolm could get a word in. 

"Oh really, then how do you explain your symptoms." 

"Just tired." 

"And your hand? How did you injure that?" _His hand?_ Malcolm looked towards Trip's hands. His right one did seem slightly swollen now that it was mentioned. _How did I miss that? _He wondered. _And you call yourself a security chief._

"I fell over." 

"Do you know Mr Reed.?" Phlox turned his attention to Malcolm. 

"About the hand or the other symptoms?" 

"Either." 

"I don't know about the hand, but I do now he hasn't been eating or sleeping well. We just came from working our shifts in waste extraction." Malcolm hoped that was enough information for the Doctor. 

"Shut up Malcolm." Trip warned in a low tone. 

"Now, now, Commander. Mr Reed is being very helpful." Phlox pulled out a hypospray from one of his pockets and injected it into Trip. "This should help ease the symptoms, but I want you to concentrate on your breathing. In and Out. In and Out." 

Trip glared at the Doctor, but did as he was told. 

"What's wrong with him Doctor?" Malcolm couldn't help but ask. 

"Mr Tucker appears to be suffering from a mild anxiety attack. Probably due to stress, combined with the lack of food and sleep you mentioned. Unfortunately I can't tell you any more than that due to Doctor/Patient confidentiality." 

"Will he be all right?" 

"I don't see why not. Perhaps you should inform the Captain that the Commander won't be able to complete the rest of his shift today." 

"No!" Trip's shout of protest made Malcolm jump. The Doctor also seemed surprised by the outburst. 

"Well you can't go back on duty. Someone needs to arrange a replacement for you." 

Trip turned a pitiful gaze onto Malcolm, 

"Can't you arrange it. Please." 

"Well we are reassigned anyway, and I suppose only one of us really needs to work the rest of the shift," Malcolm conceded, ignoring the disapproving frown from the Doctor. 

"Thanks." Trip seemed relieved. Or maybe that was just the effects of the hypospray beginning to work. Some of Trip's colour did seem to be returning. 

"Well I'd better get back to it then." Malcolm turned and headed back to the door. Just as he was leaving he heard Doctor Phlox say, 

"Now Mr Tucker, would you like to explain what brought this on?" 

Malcolm hoped for Trip's sake that he would cooperate with the Doctor. He had admitted to talking to him before after all, and it could only help. Of course the person he really needed to talk to was the Captain. _But how do I clue the Captain in on the situation without betraying Trip's confidences._ It was a dilemma Malcolm had no immediate solution too. Of course he did have the rest of his shift in Waste Extraction to mull it over. With nothing to distract him from thinking, he was sure he could come up with a plan. 


	4. Finding Trip

Captain Jonathon Archer walked down the corridors of the Enterprise. His Enterprise. He always felt an extraordinary sense of pride whenever he thought of the ship, but also some regret that his father, who had worked long and hard on the Warp Five project, hadn't had the chance to see her fly. He pushed those thoughts to back of his head as he surveyed the halls of Enterprise. He was taking Porthos for his nightly walk around the ship. He normally saw very few crewmen at this late hour so he was surprised when Lt. Malcolm Reed crossed his path at a junction. 

"Malcolm." 

"Sir." 

"Having any luck with those targeting scanners?" 

"Well I can say it's not the particle convertor. Honestly, I'm fast running out of ideas." 

"Maybe you should get Trip to take a look at it. Now that your back on speaking terms." 

Malcolm seemed surprised by Archer's last statement. 

"How do you know that?" 

"Trip told me. Last Night. He's right isn't he?" Archer questioned. From the look on Malcolm's face he wasn't so sure. _But why would Trip lie?_

"Yes, he's right. He didn't tell me he'd talked to you that's all." 

"Well it wasn't much of a conversation." Truthfully Archer wondered if it could be called a conversation at all. Trip had cut off the conversation pretty quickly, before Archer could even question what all the fuss had been about. 

"Mmm," Malcolm nodded, seemingly lost in thought. This just intensified Archer's curiosity. Clearly something was going on between the two. He was just about to pursue the topic further when Hoshi Sato came around the corner. 

"Captain. Lieutenant." 

"Hoshi." 

"Ensign." 

"Lieutenant, I'm glad I found you. I was in Sickbay talking to Dr Phlox and he asked me to give you this. He says you left it when you came in earlier." Hoshi produced a padd and handed it to Malcolm. 

"Thank you." 

"Your welcome. Well I'd better be off. Goodnight." 

"Goodnight," both men replied. Archer studied Malcolm who was still watching Hoshi walking away. He didn't appear to be sick, but he didn't think Malcolm was in the habit of going to Sickbay without a reason. Perhaps that's why Malcolm was here in the first place, to tell him he was unfit for duty tomorrow. 

"Should I be worried my armoury officer's not going to be fit for his duty shift tomorrow." 

"No Sir." 

"So why were you in Sickbay?" 

"Oh. I was just escorting someone there." 

"As I recall, you worked your shift in Waste Extraction today?" 

"Yes." 

"So the only person you should have seen would be Trip." At Malcolm's way too innocent to be believable expression, Archer could only add, "I don't suppose you'd tell me if I asked why Trip needed to go to Sickbay?" 

"I think that's something you should discuss with him yourself Sir." 

"Maybe I will," Archer conceded. 

"I think that would be best. Well, I'd better be off myself. Need to get some sleep in before my shift tomorrow. Goodnight." 

"Goodnight." 

Archer watched Malcolm walk away in much the same way the armoury officer had watched Hoshi depart. He'd left awfully fast, and it was unusual for Malcolm to start an off-duty conversation with him in the first place, which was obviously the intent. Something didn't seem right with the whole meeting, and it all seemed to point out that there was a problem with Trip. Looking down at Porthos, he asked, 

"I don't suppose it would be practical to wake Trip up now, especially since he's been in Sickbay all day." 

Porthos just barked and wagged his tail in response. Archer bent down to pat his beagle and then continued on his walk. 

******************** 

Malcolm Reed breathed a sigh of relief as he rounded the corner and moved out of sight of Captain Archer. It wasn't the most brilliant plan he'd ever devised, but it seemed to have gotten the job done. Assuming the Captain followed up on his plan to talk to Trip_._ _Well you've done all you can, Malcolm_, he told himself, _its up to the two of them now._ Ensign Hoshi Sato was standing at the end of the corridor waiting for him. As he approached he handed back the padd she'd given him. 

"Thanks for that." 

"No problem. I wish I knew what it was about though." She gave him her best puppy dog expression. 

"Nice try, but I already told you it's private." 

"I don't see why you couldn't just tell the Captain you'd been to Sickbay. It can't be that big of a problem. Your still standing up." 

"Ha .Ha." Malcolm replied dryly. 

"Fine don't tell me then. It'll probably be round the ship by breakfast anyway." Hoshi shot off as she brushed past him, heading for the turbo lift. 

Malcolm heaved another sigh. She was probably right and no doubt she'd be adding her own part to the mix. Still, as long as Captain Archer talked to Trip it didn't matter. Hopefully the Captain was pondering what he heard tonight enough to give him the push needed to start the talking. 

************************** 

Jonathon Archer was indeed pondering the situation. In fact, he was still pondering the situation the next morning during his briefing with T'Pol. They were travelling through a region seemingly devoid of anything interesting, so Archer had decided the general morning meetings in the situation room could be replaced by a one-on-one meeting so as not to disrupt anyone's duties, until further notice. He needed to talk to Trip, but when was the best time. Interrupting Trip during his shift in Engineering to have a heart-to-heart chat wouldn't work. In fact being dragged away from his engines would likely only make the engineer even more stubborn and unwilling to talk. 

"Captain." T'Pol's call pulled Archer out of his contemplation. 

"Sorry. I guess I tuned out there for a minute. What were you saying." 

To most observers, T'Pol's expression would have seemed to remain unchanged, but Archer thought he was becoming more adept at reading subtle changes in his Science Officers facial features which suggested a change in her..._well, feelings is probably too strong a word_...mood. Her expression at the moment however seemed to belie slight irritation, but her voice carried no hint of it as she repeated her previous statements. He presumed this growing affinity to her moods was due to their growing friendship. He smiled to himself at that. _Friends with a Vulcan, who would have thought_, but he liked to think it was true. Despite the fact that at times she could still irritate him beyond belief with her Vulcan Logic, at other times he wondered how he would have been able to run the ship without her. He shook his head at his own thoughts, he was starting to drift out again. Putting up a hand to stop T'Pol, he reiterated what he thought was her general point, 

"Basically, what you're saying is that there's still nothing on the long-range scans that looks interesting." 

"Yes." 

"Fine. Anything else need discussing?" 

"I believe that's all." 

"All right then. Dismissed." 

T'Pol turned to go, but just as she reached the doorway, Archer called out to her. She twisted her body around to look back at him, one eyebrow raised in question. 

"Would you mind eating in the Mess hall with the crew tonight? There's some things I need to talk to Commander Tucker about. In Private." 

"Of course. Is that all?" 

Archer nodded and T'Pol turned back towards the door and exited onto the bridge. Now all Archer had to do was get Trip to the dinner table. They hadn't had a meal together since being released from Sickbay after their near assimilation by an alien life form, dragged away from it's home and finding itself aboard Enterprise. 

"Well, that's going to change," he stated firmly to the empty room. It was time for a visit to Engineering. 

*************************** 

Engineering was its usual bustling environment but Commander Charles Tucker III wasn't at his usual post in front of the Warp core. Archer ended up having to ask a passing crewman where to find the Chief Engineer. Trip was at the back of the room, his upper body seemingly swallowed up by a console. Archer waited patiently for Trip to emerge. Startling somebody under a panel only led to concussion in Archer's experience. It was only a few minutes before Trip finally came out from under the console. If he was surprised by Archer being there he didn't seem to show it. _Probably saw my feet as he was sliding out._

"Capt'n." 

"Commander." Archer nodded towards the console. "Nothing too serious I hope." 

"Nah. Just replacing a power relay. What brings you down here?" 

Archer figured one little white lie wouldn't hurt in this situation, 

"Just taking the tour. It's more interesting than looking at nothing on the view screen." 

Trip smiled at the joke. 

"Still nothing on the scans?" 

"Apparently not. Truthfully, I'm amazed T'Pol finds enough things to fill up her reports, but she manages." 

"Don't worry, somethin' will turn up, then you can go back to wishing nothin' was happenin'." 

"True enough." 

"Well, this place is running fine. I was about to go to the armoury and take a look at the targeting scanners, so if there's anything you need..." 

"No. Like I said, just having a look. I think I'll visit Sickbay next, maybe the Doctor will let me play with his bat for a while." Archer made the statement in a joking manner, but tried to pay attention to Trip's reaction to hearing about Sickbay. Malcolm had said Trip was there yesterday. He didn't seem to react at all, however. _Not even to laugh at the joke. _Thatconfirmed it in Archer's mind, something was definitely wrong with his best friend. 

"Well in that case I better be going. Malcolm's probably tearing his hair out by now." Trip started heading out towards the centre of Engineering. 

"Oh one more thing before you go." Trip turned to look back at Archer. "I was wondering if you were planning on attending dinner tonight?" 

"Tonight?" 

"Yeah. You've been missing from the last few. I was starting to think you didn't want to know me anymore." 

"No. I've just been busy." 

"Well, try to be unbusy tonight. Without you around Dinner has been real short on conversation lately." Archer decided to conveniently leave out the fact that T'Pol wouldn't be at this evening's dinner. 

"Yeah, I guess it wouldn't be. We should try and get her to tell us a story some time." 

"If you can think of a way, I'm all ears." They both smiled at the thought of T'Pol reciting a story. "So what do you say?" 

Trip slowly nodded his head, 

"I'll be there." 

"Glad to hear it." 

************************** 

At dinner that evening, Archer was beginning to wonder if he had heard it. Trip was half an hour late. He dismissed paging Trip because if his Chief Engineer was avoiding him, he could always lie about an emergency, something that would be a lot harder to do while staring him in the eye. He was going to have to go looking for Trip himself. 

First stop was Trip's quarters. He didn't really expect Trip to be there but it was a place to start. After pressing the door chime five times, he punched in his override code and entered to make sure. No sign of Trip, or even any sign that he'd been in the room recently. 

Next he checked Engineering. Archer spotted Lieutenant Hess and beckoned her to come over. 

"Can I help you Sir?" She asked. 

"I was wondering if you knew where I could find Commander Tucker?" 

Hess thought for a few minutes before replying, 

"He should be off shift now, but perhaps he got delayed in the Armoury, he was heading there about 15 minutes before his shift ended." 

"The Armoury? I thought he went there this morning." 

"He did, but he couldn't find what the problem was. I guess something came to him this afternoon, because he just dropped everything here and made a beeline for the armoury." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes Sir. I was just coming on shift at the time and he handed over the reins early." 

"Thank you Lieutenant." 

"No problem Sir. I hope you find him." 

"So do I. So do I." Archer muttered as he left Engineering and headed to the Armoury. Entering the Armoury he found Lieutenant Reed still at work. 

"Shouldn't you be off duty?" Archer asked looking around for signs of his wayward Engineer. 

"Yes, but since Commander Tucker managed to fix the problem with the targeting scanners I thought I'd do a little catch-up work." Malcolm replied. Curiosity overcame Archer for just a brief second, 

"What was wrong with the scanners?" The problem had been bugging his Armoury officer for days and in truth, Archer felt much better knowing they were fixed himself. 

"Nothing." 

That wasn't the answer Archer was expecting. 

"Nothing?" 

"Apparently it was the console that was malfunctioning. It kept giving off false readings that the scanners were off line when in fact they were perfectly calibrated the whole time." Malcolm sounded particularly annoyed by that fact, and Archer could understand completely. 

"Didn't you run a diagnostic on the console at the beginning?" 

"Of course, but Trip said the malfunction was in a different part of the system and that it was shunting off excess power generated from the fault through the scanner console. When the scanner console couldn't handle it, it gave off the false readings. Since the console itself wasn't the origin of the problem however it didn't show up on the diagnostics. You'd have to ask him if you want a better explanation than that. How on earth he figured it out is beyond me." 

Archer had seen Trip solve quite a few seemingly unsolvable problems over the years. He'd still never figured out how his friend made the leaps of logic he did sometimes. Thinking of Trip reminded Archer why he was here in the first place. 

"You don't happen to know where Trip's gone do you?" 

"No. He didn't say. I assumed back to Engineering." 

"How long ago did he leave here?" 

"About an hour ago." Malcolm picked up on the urgent tone Archer was putting into his voice. "He's not in Engineering is he?" 

Archer shook his head, 

"Or his quarters. I don't know where he is, but he was supposed to be meeting me for dinner." 

"You could always try paging him." 

"Assuming he'd answer." Archer was starting to feel frustrated and increasingly worried. 

"Would you like me to organise a search," Malcolm suggested. 

"I don't think we need to go that far just yet," Archer started to reply, but it suddenly occurred to him that Malcolm knew a lot more about what was going on with Trip than he did. "Are things with Trip really that bad?" 

Malcolm let out a long breath. 

"I don't know." Archer was about to say that if Malcolm was really the friend to Trip he claimed to be he should tell him everything, but Malcolm continued before he had the chance. "I know you think I know a lot more than I'm saying, but really I don't. All I know for sure is that he needs to talk to you about what's bothering him." 

"All right. If you hear from him, can you let me know?" 

"Of course," Malcolm agreed readily. 

Archer set off from the Armoury. He was wandering aimlessly trying to rack his brains and think where Trip might go. He was coming out of Sickbay, another dead end, when he nearly walked into Travis. 

"Sorry Sir. Are you all right?" 

"I'm Fine." Archer replied shortly. 

"Are you sure? You look lost," Travis commented, then seemed to realise who he'd been talking too. "Uh, Sir." 

Archer barely even noticed. 

"Yeah. Listen, you haven't seen Commander Tucker around have you?" It was a long shot, but he was getting desperate. 

"Sure. I saw him about ten minutes ago going into Launch Bay 1." 

Archer stared at Travis in surprise. Sometimes long shots pay off. 

"Launch Bay 1?" 

"Yes Sir. I was coming back from the Sweet Spot when I noticed." Archer barely heard Travis's reply, he'd taken off at a run for the Launch Bay. He didn't want to think about why Trip would be going in there. They hadn't used a shuttle pod in ages and there wasn't any upcoming missions either. The only possibilities Archer could think of weren't exactly helping ease his mind. _Hang on Trip, _his mind shouted.. 


	5. Shuttlepod Blues

Captain Jonathon Archer entered the Launch Bay at a dead run. Skidding to a halt he scanned the room for any signs of life. Nothing. _Damn, where is he._ He was starting to think calling Malcolm and putting a search in place might not be a bad idea after all. Turning towards the comm panel he noticed out of the corner of his eye that the stairs leading to Shuttlepod One were down. Moving to get a better view he could see that the hatchway was also open. "You'd better be in there Trip," he muttered to himself as he slowly made his way over. 

Dropping down into the Shuttlepod, Archer breathed a sigh of relief as he noticed Trip sitting on the forward chair, which was turned right around in Archers direction. The blond engineer was staring at his boots but he briefly looked up as he heard Archer's boots connect with the deck. Their eyes met briefly before Trip returned to contemplating his boots. Archer stood stiffly in place at the back of the pod. Now that he was here, he wasn't quite sure what to say. 

"I don't suppose you'd believe I forgot about dinner." Trip's voice broke the silence that was, in Archer's opinion, building up to uncomfortable levels. 

"No, I don't think I would." He tried to keep his own voice light, to assure Trip that he wasn't here to condemn. Trip was normally such an open person, willing to share his emotions and thoughts with anyone, good or bad. Only occasionally did Trip close himself off from showing his feelings. Archer had only ever seen it once before, himself, but he knew from that experience that trying to force his friend to talk in that situation was the worst way to handle it. Moving to one of the other chairs, Archer lowered himself into it. 

"I'm sorry." 

"Don't be. Just tell me what's wrong." When Trip's head shot up to stare at him, Archer wondered for a brief second if he'd misjudged and brought up the point too early. Trip's next words however just served to confuse. 

"You know what's wrong." 

Archer tried to rack his brain for a reason, but none was forthcoming. 

"I do?" He questioned. 

"It was right there in my mind. Don't pretend you don't know." Trip's voice rose along with his words, but his eyes dropped back down to the floor. 

"I'm not a mind reader Trip," Archer paused as the events of the past week caught up with him, "but we shared thoughts for a while there didn't we?" At Trip's nod of affirmation, Archer considered further and put forth his newly forming theory. "That's why you were panicking? You were thinking about this problem?" Another nod. If he wanted Trip to trust him enough to tell him what was wrong, Archer realised he'd have to be completely honest himself. 

"Truthfully, I wasn't really paying attention to what you were thinking. I was concentrating more on projecting my thoughts on the regional finals to calm you down." 

"Oh." Trip seemed surprised, then his eyes darted to the open hatchway. 

"Trip," Archer put a warning tone in voice, before the engineer could try and back his way out of the situation. Trip gave a rueful grin, 

"Can't put the genie back in the bottle, huh?" 

"Not this time." 

Trip ran a hand through his hair. "Damn." 

A few minutes passed in silence. Occasionally Trip looked like he was about to say something but stopped himself short. 

"It might help if you gave me a hint about what's going on in that head of yours, since we've established that I don't know." 

The younger man's gaze drifted upwards. Archer followed it to the airlock. 

"We're sitting in it." 

"The Shuttlepod?" Then some pieces of the puzzle seemed to click into place in Archer's mind. "You and Malcolm's experiences?" 

"Yeah." 

"What you went through was pretty traumatic. It's understandable if your having problems with that. I don't understand why you think you can't talk to me about it though." 

Trip looked away, seemingly not able to meet Archer's questioning gaze. He mumbled something that Archer couldn't quite make out. 

"What?" 

"I said I didn't want you to be disappointed in me." 

"Disappointed in you. Why would I be disappointed. You did what you needed to do to survive." 

"No." Trip's voice was tinged with agitation, "You don't know everything that happened out there." 

"Are you saying you and Malcolm left something out of the report?" 

Trip nodded. 

"Doesn't seem like something Malcolm would do." Come to think of it, it wasn't something that Trip would do either, in Archer's estimation. 

"I convinced him not to. I dunno. Maybe he thought he really would get busted down to a crewman." 

_Busted down to a Crewman_. This didn't seem to be making a lot of sense. 

"Why would Malcolm think he'd get busted down to a crewman?" 

"'Cause he threatened to shoot me." Trip's face held a guilty expression. 

"Shoot you!" 

"It was set on stun," Trip defended. 

"That's supposed to make a difference." 

"He was just trying to stop me." 

"Stop you from what?" 

Silence greeted that question. Trip's gaze once again returned to the airlock. An uneasy feeling began to grow in Archer. He hoped this wasn't leading where he was beginning to think it was. 

"Trip" 

Trip's voice was barely above a whisper when he replied, 

"From throwing myself out the airlock." 

"Throwing yourself out the airlock?" Archer gave a mental sigh. _Damn. _It was what he suspected.Trip was trying to explain,__

__

"We only had ten hours of oxygen left and we didn't know if you'd picked up on our engines blowing up. I figured if two of us had ten hours, then one of us would have twenty. More chance to survive." 

"That's..." Archer really didn't know what to say to that. 

"Malcolm said I was only doing it 'cause I was a coward. Maybe he's right." 

That statement Archer did know how to reply to. He been friends with Trip long enough to know there was a tough as nails side to the engineer. One that nobody would accuse of being a coward. 

"Your not a coward Trip. I've known you to long to doubt that." 

Trip just shook his head. 

"No he had a point. I didn't want to sit there and wait to die." 

"You were under extreme pressure out there Trip. You may have let your feelings overwhelm you for a moment but that's different from being a coward." 

"Is it? Still, bein' a coward's better than..." Trip eyes went wide as if he suddenly realised he didn't want to go down that path. 

"Better than what?" 

Before the words were even out of Archer's mouth, Trip practically jumped out of his seat and started for the hatchway, 

"I've gotta get out of here." 

Luckily, Archer was an old hat at reading Trip's expressions, and he bounded out of his own seat to catch the younger man by the arm. 

"Oh no you don't. Better than what Trip?" 

Archer could feel Trip's muscles tense and rigid under his hand. He tried to pull away but Archer wasn't having any of it. 

"Better than what Trip?" 

"Better than bein' weak all right. Is that what you want to hear." Trip exploded, finally managing to rip his arm out of Archer's grasp. Archer was too stunned to put up much of a fight. _Weak._ That was even more ludicrous than the thought of Trip being a coward. _What on earth made him think..._

__

"You think you should have gone into the airlock don't you?" 

Trip's only response was to turn away and start heading for the hatchway again. 

"Malcolm's still alive Trip." That stopped Trip in his tracks. 

"I know that." 

"Do you. Look at me Trip." He reached out for Trip again and made the engineer turn to face him. Looking him straight in the eyes, Archer repeated his statement, "Malcolm's still alive. He made it. You_ both_ made it. There's nothing to be ashamed of here." 

Trip's blue eyes displayed uncertainty, pain and a few other emotions Archer couldn't immediately identify, but his voice was awash with guilt, 

"Doctor Phlox said we only had a couple of hours of air left." 

"Exactly. You both had enough air to last the time. Both of you. Together." Archer tried to sound reassuring, but Trip didn't seem to be buying it. 

"But we still could have died of hypothermia. Maybe Malcolm could have turned the heat up a little if I'd..." Trip trailed off and a small sob escaped his lips. Archer quickly encircled his arms around his friend. He rubbed his friends back as more tears began to flow, and tried guiding them back towards the chairs. Making his voice as soothing as possible Archer tried to answer Trip's concerns, 

"He wouldn't have done that. He couldn't have known when we were coming any more than you did, to know to do that." 

"I know," Trip sniffed, pulling away briefly as they sat back down. Archer's own face must have looked as disbelieving as he felt because Trip continued, "I do. It's just a part of me can't help thinking I handled things wrong, and not just with the airlock. I couldn't even let Malcolm write his letters home in peace. Some friend I am. Some Commander." 

_Some Commander._ And there it finally was, the crux of Trip's problems. Trip was doubting his ability to lead. 

"I don't hear Malcolm complaining about your friendship. You know when we pulled the shuttlepod in and opened it up, I'll admit I was scared. You were both so still and frozen I thought you were already dead. While you were recovering in Sickbay I beat myself up pretty bad about not getting to you sooner. I went through all the scenarios of how I could have handled things better. That sort of thing doesn't change just because you get a Captain's pip, and it certainly doesn't mean your not cut out for Command. It just means your human and you want things to work out for the best. But in the end you've got to focus on the positives Trip, not get bogged down by perceived negatives." 

"What positives? Unless you count getting drunk as a positive." 

Archer smiled. This question was easy, 

"You got the communications receiver fixed. I saw what that micro-singularity did to the systems and the fact that you even got that much to work is amazing. Even T'Pol said it was practically a miracle." 

"T'Pol said that?" Trip sounded disbelieving, and with good reason. 

"I'm paraphrasing." Archer admitted and they both smiled a little, "The point is without it you wouldn't have known we were out there, or to blow up your engines to get noticed. And who's idea was it to turn down the temperature in the first place?" 

"Mine," Trip admitted. 

"You both did the best you could out there and you got through it. That's the important thing to remember." 

"I guess." 

"No guessing about it. That's an order." 

"Aye Sir." Trip responded, but the moment was ruined by another sniff. 

Archer patted his friends shoulder, noting a lot of the tension he'd felt earlier had gone out of it. It seemed the chief engineer wasn't quite finished though, 

"What happens now?" 

"Well I don't know about you, but I'm starving." Archer felt it appropriate to try a little joke to break the tension. Trip smiled a little, so Archer considered it another small victory. 

"That's what you get for having friends that fall to pieces." _And a joke_. Things were definitely getting back on track. He tried to put as much sincerity into his reply as he could muster, 

"I wouldn't have it any other way." 

"Me either." 

"Good. Now that we've got that cleared up, can we go and get something to eat?" 

Trip nodded and they both started for the hatchway. Just as they got to the landing bay gantry, Trip called out, 

"Jon." Archer was a little surprised at hearing his own name, Trip hadn't called him anything but Capt'n for a long time. It had become a treasured nickname between the two even if it was his rank as well. 

"Yeah?" 

"Thanks. I mean it." 

"I know you do Trip, but in future, come and talk to me first. No matter what, I'm not going to stop thinking of you as my best friend." 

"I will. I promise." 

Archer nodded. Unfortunately this wasn't really the end of it. Trip's earlier question of "What happens now," still needed to be addressed. He wished Starfleet had thought to put a psychiatrist on board. This was the first deep space mission and while they hoped to find new and friendly species, that wasn't always the case and there were some experiences out here that it was hard to prepare for. He decided to call Admiral Forrest in the morning. Perhaps he could arrange a time for some face-to-face counselling for Trip, and Malcolm as well. It would probably turn into a regular thing, doubtless other crew members had their problems as well. Rostov, Kelly, himself even. Still he pushed further thoughts of this aside. _It can wait until the morning_. Right now all he wanted to do was have dinner with his friend. 

THE END 

Authors Note: Thanks again for the reviews. Hope you liked the ending. 


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